"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" Review

PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM BEING SARCASTIC IN MY REVIEW OF "TRANSFORMERS REVENGE OF THE FALLEN." I DO NOT SUPPORT SEXIST VIEWS OR RACIAL STEREOTYPES.

1 star out of 5 / D

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” arguably the best film of the year, manages to be not only a simple story told at an epic length, but also a wonderfully shallow comedy that pokes fun at those crazy teens and their wacky hi-jinks.

The story, brilliantly elongated by explosions – ranging from big to really really big, continues the adventures of Sam Witwicky (Shia Labeouf) as he goes off to college. Meanwhile, those darn Decepticons – a team of transforming robots who are at war with the good Autobot robots – are up to their dastardly deeds again, this time aided by an evil robot with one heck of a grudge. His name – the Fallen. But those screenwriters (Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, and Ehren Kruger) are clever enough to keep the details on the down low. Instead of letting exposition slowly ooze out as the story continues – a rather tired approach – they realize that it is better to give the audience all of the information in one scene. Oh, and they make sure it is conveyed really quick. No dilly-dallying with plot detail. Those who care about the plot can try to piece together all the fragments of exposition. Meanwhile, the smarter audience members can enjoy the explosions and robot fighting.

And, boy, aren’t those explosions exciting?! Director Michael Bay (“Transformers,” “Bad Boys 2,” “Pearl Harbor, and “Meat Loaf: Bat Out of Hell II”) creates some of the most memorable action sequences in years. Bay, unlike many Hollywood hacks (i.e. Steven Spielberg, Christopher Nolan, James Cameron), realizes that the most taut of action sequences do not require suspense. The characters would have to be developed in order for thered to be true suspense. But character development is lame! Thankfully, Bay and those crafty screenwriters know this.

They also know that the audience does not like genuine relationships between characters. We don’t want Sam and his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) to have a relationship that really means something. Fortunately, the screenwriters only put in a few easily ignorable lines about “true love.” The rest of Sam and Mikaela’s relationship is all based on lust – the way it should be. After all, women should only be seen as pieces of meat and witless dingbats. Thankfully, Bay and his screenwriters share this wonderfully sexist view and use it to great comedic effect in several scenes involving Sam’s dimwit mother and her comsumption of brownies with pot in them

Of course, the mother’s crazy antics aren’t nearly as gut-bustingly funny as the hilarious “twin” robots, who not only talk jive, but also have yellow teeth and openly admit to not being able to read. But, aren’t they adorable? When they triumphantly save the day at the film’s climax, the audience in my theater cheered. That’s right, kiddies! You can save the day too, but only if you conform to the racial stereotypes that society sets for you. This message, along with humping dogs and a guffaw-inducing midget joke, makes “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” excellent, wholesome family entertainment. And that demographic will ensure that the movie becomes a bonafide box office hit.

But, reader, are you naïve enough to think that this movie was only produced to make money? Surely, the quality of the film would suggest otherwise.