Worst Movies of 2009

The 7 WORST FILMS of 2009

7. A group of friends tried to convince me that Angels and Demons wasn't that bad. To a certain extent, they were right. While Ron Howard's sequel to The Da Vinci Code is filled with uninteresting characters, it was at least mildly amusing. But, still, I can't get over the flatness of the entire experience. Tom Hanks looks bored. If the actor doesn't even care about the movie, why should I?

6. I had similar problems with Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes, which is not only a convoluted mess, but also one of the dullest films of the year. For starters, the film's titular character was woefully miscast. Robert Downey Jr's accent as the great Holmes is incoherent, and, much like Tom Hanks in Angels and Demons, Downey looks bored in the role. Where was the spark? Downey was not aided by the dreadful screenplay full of forced wit and implausible plot twists. Charmless.

5. Over the past few years, quirky characters and situations have become a staple of independent film. Many critics have accused this summer's 500 Days of Summer of being too quirky, but, for my money, the most gratingly quirky film of the year was Gigantic, a movie almost no one saw and a movie I wish I hadn't seen. Not only does this film waste the talents of Paul Dano, Zooey Deschanel, and John Goodman, it also fills every frame with tacky detail and cliches. A pathetic, pretentious waste of time.

4. When Monsters vs. Aliens opened in late March, many praised it for its 3D gimmicks and cute characters. Unfortunately, these people failed to realize the film's weak characterizations, empty story, and unimaginative jokes. To me, the film stands out as one of the shallowest films of the year. A vapid mess.


3. Sandra Bullock's good, if overpraised performance, does it best to save The Blind Side from being a complete train wreck, but, unfortunately, the film falters due to its lack of tension, sitcom characters and condescending attitude towards its subject, an overweight, impoverished, African-American teenager. A pandering, insulting snooze.

2. The Proposal, the next film on my list, also stars Sandra Bullock, except this time her performance damages an already terrible film. The Proposal gives into every romantic comedy cliche in the book. Clueless to its own mediocrity, the film traps Bullock and co-star Ryan Reynolds in a vat of generic plotting and unfunny dialogue. Fail.

1. If you know anything about my film taste, or if you have been following this blog since July, you should already know my choice for the worst film of the year. It is, of course, Michael Bay's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The fact that this movie exists is an insult to the pioneers of cinema, every great director of the past and present, and to the American public. I could go on about the confusing action sequences, the lame attempts at humor, and the film's blatantly sexist view, but I don't want to spend another minute on this sad excuse for filmmaking. So, I'll leave Hollywood with one word of advice - find every print, DVD, and Blu Ray disk of this ungodly piece of swill and destroy them.

Well, that's it, folks! My worst of 2009. Expect my Top Ten list and other end of the year features in the coming weeks.